In our century more in our times, it is more simple to find one night stand, instead of true, deep and clean love. For some people it is just a game. People prefer to hurt other people in exchange of one time joy. I used to be in love. I am in love. I have never thought that someone can hurt me so bad. Emotionally and physically. The moment when your second half starts to act weird, and putting all their anger on you. And you just sit there with only one thought on your mind. WHY? Why i deserve that. I have never thought in my life that i will love someone so much, like i was loving. But in the same time i am asking myself, IF IT WAS REALLY LOVE or just big addiction or attraction. Hard to understand, very hard. But i understand now that sometimes it is better to stay alone, instead of living in big pain all the time. With tears in my eyes and with completely broken heart, i am trying to understand what is happening.
I am not so sure anymore that it was love. Because if you love someone you do everything for the person, witch i was doing, and in exchange i got frighted, screamed at, and not respected. I am just not ready for this type of life. You always have to remember to put yourself, before anyone else in exchange to be truly happy. After 3 years, i have finally do it. And i could not feel more free, safe and calm. I am starting to realize that there is more in this life than i was seeing.
No matter what happened with both of our life, there will be always a special place for this person. Not all was bad. But you know what they say. There can be one million good things, and then comes one little bad thing, witch erases all the good things. And then you just have to start to build again all the good things back. It is like a circle witch can not be broken by one person only. You both have to work for it.
I know that i am still young, and i have all my life in front of me. But it is always very hard to start all from zero. But you always have to stay strong and true to yourself no matter what.
To anyone who is suffering from violence. Remember that you always can choose to leave. For maybe just one time in your life put yourself in front of anyone else, it helps. Do not be afraid to leave.Be brave. Love yourself. And never give up.
XOXO Small Town Girl.
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